Your mind will tell you your whole life is threatened. As a “victim” of what you consider egregious anti-you behavior, you consider you are well within the boundaries of “being right” to expect a confession and change. If you bust him, he may do what he thinks you expect, but just to dodge any more consequences.But, it will NEVER initiate a change in his current frustrations that got him on the wrong road to begin with.
You wouldn’t be searching for help if you wanted to end your marriage. Time To Choose Your husband didn’t do what he did because he hates you.
If that were the case, or if he were mad as hell at you, he would have helped you catch him, and he would have dropped hints at what he’d been doing.
A husband using dating sites can hide or expose it. But women have to learn what their power is and how to use it.
But chances are he is still hoping his marriage, your marriage, will miraculously become a marriage he loves to be in. So, you can choose to go with the idiot “experts” who get you to confront and destroy, or you can decide you want your marriage to survive and improve. Confront and destroy or survive and improve are the only two real options. That’s because I have seen many marriages succeed, including with wives that other marriage experts refused to work with. You can have the marriage you have and the marriage your husband delights in. You won’t get much from a blog, but I want you to have enough information to begin heading in the right direction.
This post was written before the Ashley Madison outing that recently happened.
I was personally thrilled by the ultimatum given to the company, because offering illicit escapades to a married person having marriage trouble is like offering wine to an alcoholic.
The first reaction in your mind is self-protective, accompanied by fear. It’s not my job to sugarcoat (I was referred to as the “iron fist” by some clients), so don’t get ahead of me. Here are the possibilities: to do is confront him, and you are probably wondering how to do this best.
When you discover your husband using online dating sites, you will automatically imagine the worst, that he is following through and meeting other women. Reactions, as you recall from biology, are instinctive responses with one purpose: to save your life. If you want to keep him, you want him to confess his sins and change his ways.
The other choice, do nothing, is going to bring you down the road of destruction. But don’t imagine it will take both of you, or he has to participate.
Over the past month I have given a few presentations at conferences for other therapists on the topic of Sex Addiction in marriage.
It is such a neglected topic and has gotten me thinking.